This is horrible... extremely horrible. I don't know where to start! I might be going insane. UGH!....
I don't know what else to do! When I talk about it, I sound serious! But when I see what I'm doing to accomplish my goal, it's totally the opposite. You might be confused about what I'm talking. This is what I'm talking about.... LOSING FREAK'N WEIGHT! I mean.. To others I seem fine, my mom says I look better, but me? I look at myself in the mirror and I see a pig. I see the girl that struggled with her body for most of her life. And thats why I got a gym membership and since I suck at keeping diets I decided to put goals that I thought where easy to keep.
For the month of July I had three simple rules.
1. NO STARBUCKS
2. NO BREAD
3. NO SWEETS
Let me explain how these three "simple" rules have nothing simple about them!
Number ONE! NO STARBUCKS:
If you don't know already, I'm a Starbucks lover. In fact! I wasn't a regular customer, I became a Gold Member... Because I was a "daily" customer. I still remember the first time I walked in to the Starbucks close to my school. Julio (the store manager) greeted me so nicely. He said hello and asked how I was doing that morning. I looked up, smiled and replied "I'm doing great! Thank You for asking!" He then paused and told me "Wow.. It's really nice seeing someone in such a great mood in the morning, and your smile tops it off" It was the beginning of a bitter sweet relationship. I later came across an old classmate from High School. His name is Matthew. Matthew was the kind of guy that I could count on every day to be there when I walked out of class. We where "walking to class buddies". It didn't matter how weird or crazy I was, he was always willing to listen to me. I actually would tell him how badly I wanted to lose weight. For two years he listened to my BubbleSmac about weight problems. When he saw me he was very surprised on how much I had lost weight and he was genuinely happy for me. It had been about 3 years since the last time we had seen each other and he didn't look so bad himself. After a couple of weeks I started talking to Valerie (another amazing Starbucks employee) She is a beast at making my favorite drink and the sweetest person I have encountered in a Starbucks. (Valarie and Matthew are now dating)
My visits to Starbucks ended up going a little something like this. I would walk in and hear Valerie "HEEEY Girl!!!" while Matthew waves vigorously. By the time I get to the counter and start to order, I get interrupted by Julio because he already knows what I am going to order. Or who ever is working at the time jumps ahead and makes my drink before I even get to the counter. I'm a Starbucks lover, and my NO STARBUCKS rule has been broken....
Number TWO! NO BREAD: America... America... America......... you suck...
All of my Elementary, Junior High School, and High School years has had bread or breaded anything on the menu. Yes I could have made a better choice in my diet, but seriously.. What kid wants to eat vegetables over a Sloppy Joe? I remember the Sloppy Joes from my Elementary menu. Oh my goodness they where so amazing! Then you have the Pizza, Fried Chicken Chrispers, Pop Corn Chicken, Fried Spicy Chicken Sand-which.... DOUBLE THE BREAD! It doesn't matter what I do, I feel like everything comes breaded or with bread. And well.. I get TIRED of grilled chicken salads. Bread seems to love me more than I do it, and therefore my NO BREAD rule has been broken....
Number THREE! NO SWEETS:
Oh goodness...................................
Really? I am woman... Is there more to say? I am woman, and my NO SWEETS rule has been broken over and over and over and over.
I am seriously nutty in the noggin. I don't feel good about myself. I look in the mirror and I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel like the girl that weighed 170 pounds. I weigh 135 now and even though I have lost 5 lbs. I feel fatter. So I think "what good does that do if I can't even follow three simple rules (that really have nothing simple about them)?"
I am seriously nutty in the noggin.
So I have been wanting to write but I didn't know what about. My friend told me to just get on the computer and write, easy for her to say... She does this all the time and I guess it becomes natural to her. I actually can talk a lot and make conversation out of any topic but I cannot sit down and write about whatever is on my mind because honestly, there is too much in there and I don't want you to get lost in it. Another reason why I haven't written anything is because ever since I came back from Chile in November, I lost my battery cable for my lap top. Apparently my cable wasn't the only thing I was going to lose. Ever since I can remember I have had this horrible habit of misplacing things. And to tell you the truth I don't remember more than half of the things I have lost. SO... If you EVER lose anything and DON'T miss it, then DON'T look for it because you DON'T need it. Now my computer cable on the other hand.... THAT is worth looking for.
Changing the subject! "Sweet Home Alabama" is on oxygen right now. And I forgot how cute the beginning was! The main couple where very young, around 10 years old and the boy kept asking and asking yes or no. Finally the little girl said "why do you want to marry me anyhow?" and he replied "so I can kiss you anytime I want"
I paused for a few seconds and a smile followed after that.
Speaking of love! I met this guy one time some time ago. I can't remember the exact day, but goodness he was so handsome! I spotted him from across the room and my heart grew wings and flew away outside of my body! Was it love at first sight? I think not.. But I have eyes and I'm not blind and and and and well... He was good looking! When I finally got to talking to him, I could feel my face light up! My eyes dilated 45% because its proven!!! Your eyes dilate 45% when you see something pleasing! And let me tell you! He was PLEASING!!!! My lips couldn't have given the most cheesiest smile humanly possible! But we are friends now! So maybe one day in the farthest future I will express myself about the first time I lay'd eyes on him. And we will laugh and joke around about it. The sad thing is that I keep telling my girlfriend about it and she doesn't remember seeing him. And even though I describe how he looked, the confusing part is how many guys had similar clothing. Sigh.... OH WELL!!
So I guess I finally wrote a blog after a couple of months.
