I Had Starbucks Today

   This is horrible... extremely horrible. I don't know where to start! I might be going insane. UGH!....
I don't know what else to do! When I talk about it, I sound serious! But when I see what I'm doing to accomplish my goal, it's totally the opposite. You might be confused about what I'm talking. This is what I'm talking about.... LOSING FREAK'N WEIGHT! I mean.. To others I seem fine, my mom says I look better, but me? I look at myself in the mirror and I see a pig. I see the girl that struggled with her body for most of her life. And thats why I got a gym membership and since I suck at keeping diets I decided to put goals that I thought where easy to keep.
    
For the month of July I had three simple rules.

1. NO STARBUCKS
2. NO BREAD
3. NO SWEETS


   Let me explain how these three "simple" rules have nothing simple about them!


   Number ONE! NO STARBUCKS:

    If you don't know already, I'm a Starbucks lover. In fact! I wasn't a regular customer, I became a Gold Member... Because I was a "daily" customer. I still remember the first time I walked in to the Starbucks close to my school. Julio (the store manager) greeted me so nicely. He said hello and asked how I was doing that morning. I looked up, smiled and replied "I'm doing great! Thank You for asking!" He then paused and told me "Wow.. It's really nice seeing someone in such a great mood in the morning, and your smile tops it off" It was the beginning of a bitter sweet relationship. I later came across an old classmate from High School. His name is Matthew. Matthew was the kind of guy that I could count on every day to be there when I walked out of class. We where "walking to class buddies". It didn't matter how weird or crazy I was, he was always willing to listen to me. I actually would tell him how badly I wanted to lose weight. For two years he listened to my BubbleSmac about weight problems. When he saw me he was very surprised on how much I had lost weight and he was genuinely happy for me. It had been about 3 years since the last time we had seen each other and he didn't look so bad himself. After a couple of weeks I started talking to Valerie (another amazing Starbucks employee) She is a beast at making my favorite drink and the sweetest person I have encountered in a Starbucks. (Valarie and Matthew are now dating)
   My visits to Starbucks ended up going a little something like this. I would walk in and hear Valerie "HEEEY Girl!!!" while Matthew waves vigorously. By the time I get to the counter and start to order, I get interrupted by Julio because he already knows what I am going to order. Or who ever is working at the time jumps ahead and makes my drink before I even get to the counter. I'm a Starbucks lover, and my NO STARBUCKS rule has been broken....


   Number TWO! NO BREAD: America... America... America......... you suck... 

All of my Elementary, Junior High School, and High School years has had bread or breaded anything on the menu. Yes I could have made a better choice in my diet, but seriously.. What kid wants to eat vegetables over a Sloppy Joe? I remember the Sloppy Joes from my Elementary menu. Oh my goodness they where so amazing! Then you have the Pizza, Fried Chicken Chrispers, Pop Corn Chicken, Fried Spicy Chicken Sand-which.... DOUBLE THE BREAD! It doesn't matter what I do, I feel like everything comes breaded or with bread. And well.. I get TIRED of grilled chicken salads. Bread seems to love me more than I do it, and therefore my NO BREAD rule has been broken....


   Number THREE! NO SWEETS: 
Oh goodness...................................
Really? I am woman... Is there more to say? I am woman, and my NO SWEETS rule has been broken over and over and over and over. 

   I am seriously nutty in the noggin. I don't feel good about myself. I look in the mirror and I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel like the girl that weighed 170 pounds. I weigh 135 now and even though I have lost 5 lbs. I feel fatter. So I think "what good does that do if I can't even follow three simple rules (that really have nothing simple about them)?"


   I am seriously nutty in the noggin.