OH MY GOD so what if I have a sixth sense? Because it seems like when something is not right, my ovaries hurt! Unless there is a great risk in why I'm in pain then perhaps I should go to the doctor! But I don't know. Something seems to be out of place! And I really want to know what it is. This has happened before though and when I fought my way through to the truth, I was crushed. That happened when I was 19. All though the circumstances are not the same, I have the same feeling. Something is out of place. Something is not right. Perhaps I am looking for the answer or answerS in the wrong place... PLACE PLACE PLACE PLACE. Why am I repeating myself?
(speaking to myself) "Because place has a lot to do with it that's why Abigail!"
But you see person who is reading this nonsense.. Even though I got hurt the last time I found out, I insist on finding out every time something seems to be wrong, and usually every time I do, I get hurt, but if I think about it, I am glad I found out because if I didn't, then... well I would be hurting non stop! Oh dear reader you don't understand my jibber jabber! My point is. . . I know that once I find out what is not in place, I will be crushed and hurt like all the other times, but you see reader. I am not 19 anymore. And 21 year old me is happy not to be 19 anymore. In fact, I'm happy I am not 8, I am happy I am not 12, I am happy I am not 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and I am extremely happy to not be 20. But 21, oh how I liked being 21. 21 was when I was finally able to be myself! Finally able to experience things as Abigail. I flew to NY on my own. I will miss being 21. 21 was the year I was on my own! Now I will be 22, and I can't wait for what's in store for me, but right now. . . Something is out of place. I do not want that something ruining my beautiful year! One more month, that is all I am asking! ONE FREAK'N MONTH!
So whatever is going to hurt me, whatever is going to finally be in place but will more likely kill my soul, whatever is going to make me feel like an inexperienced new-bee adult, you better BACK OFF! Stop trying to make me look for you! My ovaries can only take so much pain!
Seriously! 21. That really is the prime time! Sure I can drink who cares! Sure I can walk into clubs! I don't need that! Sure I can do a lot of stuff that go against my moral standards.. But 21 for me means finally... being able to be myself! So this is me being me! I am going to please MY SELF! My pink princess is right! My heart cannot take anymore pain! I have had enough!
21. I will miss being 21. I don't like when things are out of place. It drives me crazy! My mind does not stop! Scenes keep replying in my head. I heard things that I did not want to hear (yet i needed to) and that keeps being scribbled in the notebooks of my mind. Notebooks that never erase the words said to me. One more month. One more month. Then you can ruin another part of my life. Just one more month! Please and Thank You.
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." -Coco Chanel
Biologically speaking, no two human beings can be the same. Not even twins. If I stamp my thumb print and you stamp yours, they will appear to be the same, but the closer you study them, you will conclude that they are not. Now I know Coco Chanel was not talking about DNA codes... all though I do wonder if she knew about it. That's not my point... my point is, how different do you have to be in order to become "irreplaceable" and why would you want to be "irreplaceable"?
In what way... would you want to be "irreplaceable"?
Who would want to replace me? Who was Coco Chanel feeling this "replacement" from?
Because the more I think about it the more I say, "well... if I have a job that pays well, gives me great hours and amazing benefits then I will work as "DIFFERENTLY" as possible for me NOT to be replaced. But if I have a friendship in which there is no joy then by all means replace me!! Or even so... that means I can replace anyone as well.
Coco Chanel's quote leads me to mine, "In order for me not to replace you... you must always be "irreplaceable" - Abby Love
So like I said... Two people can't be the same. But psychologically speaking, two people can be compatible. True friends can be difficult to find. But when you have them, they are naturally "irreplaceable" So I start to think and meditate, which of my friends have tried to stay by my side? It takes 50/50 for a relationship to work smoothly, but after a while of doing 75/25, people become tired. The friendship becomes hard work rather than cultivate love; key word "willingly". So who are my true friends?
1. People who share my beliefs and moral standards but that also prove their faith
2. People who tell me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear
3. People who accept me for the way I am and are not bothered my my laughter, my smiles or moodiness
4. People who don't want to be replaced
Those are true friends, and I'm happy to know that I have a couple who fit all 4. <3
Ps: its 2:34 in the morning.
Pss: oh oh oh and I love it when I don't see a friend for years and when we do, its as if we never said goodbye! <3 <3
