My sixth sense

OH MY GOD so what if I have a sixth sense? Because it seems like when something is not right, my ovaries hurt! Unless there is a great risk in why I'm in pain then perhaps I should go to the doctor! But I don't know. Something seems to be out of place! And I really want to know what it is. This has happened before though and when I fought my way  through to the truth, I was crushed. That happened when I was 19. All though the circumstances are not the same, I have the same feeling. Something is out of place. Something is not right.  Perhaps I am looking for the answer or answerS in the wrong place... PLACE PLACE PLACE PLACE. Why am I repeating myself? 

(speaking to myself) "Because place has a lot to do with it that's why Abigail!" 

But you see person who is reading this nonsense.. Even though I got hurt the last time I found out, I insist on finding out every time something seems to be wrong, and usually every time I do, I get hurt, but if I think about it, I am glad I found out because if I didn't, then... well I would be hurting non stop! Oh dear reader you don't understand my jibber jabber! My point is. . . I know that once I find out what is not in place, I will be crushed and hurt like all the other times, but you see reader. I am not 19 anymore. And 21 year old me is happy not to be 19 anymore. In fact, I'm happy I am not 8, I am happy I am not 12, I am happy I am not 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and I am extremely happy to not be 20. But 21, oh how I liked being 21. 21 was when I was finally able to be myself! Finally able to experience things as Abigail. I flew to NY on my own. I will miss being 21. 21 was the year I was on my own! Now I will be 22, and I can't wait for what's in store for me, but right now. . . Something is out of place. I do not want that something ruining my beautiful year! One more month, that is all I am asking! ONE FREAK'N MONTH! 

So whatever is going to hurt me, whatever is going to finally be in place but will more likely kill my soul, whatever is going to make me feel like an inexperienced new-bee adult, you better BACK OFF! Stop trying to make me look for you! My ovaries can only take so much pain! 

Seriously! 21. That really is the prime time! Sure I can drink who cares!  Sure I can walk into clubs! I don't need that! Sure I can do a lot of stuff that go against my moral standards.. But 21 for me means finally... being able to be myself! So this is me being me! I am going to please MY SELF! My pink princess is right! My heart cannot take anymore pain! I have had enough! 

21. I will miss being 21. I don't like when things are out of place. It drives me crazy! My mind does not stop! Scenes keep replying in my head. I heard things that I did not want to hear (yet i needed to) and that keeps being scribbled in the notebooks of my mind. Notebooks that never erase the words said to me. One more month. One more month. Then you can ruin another part of my life. Just one more month! Please and Thank You.