The last 5 years

 Not that any of you care to know. But a lot and a whole lot of nothing has happened in the last 5 years. 

January 5th, 2015 - I turned 24. This was strange, it was the first time I realized my face was showing signs of age. Nothing major, just, very small faint CHANEL bags under my eyes. That was the moment I knew that, time was just not in my favor. Time doesn't try to be anyway. But I knew that the girl I once knew, was no longer because she had grown up. 

January 9th, 2015- I know... 4 days later... I married a man. A man who not only puts up with me and my crazy mental friends, but a man who stood by my side and fought the dragon. He wasn't afraid. I have grown to depend on him so much. My anxiety goes through the roof if he is not around. I guess that's a good and bad thing all at the same time. 

Sometime in 2017- I started gaining SO much weight. Like a lot... Went to doctors and turns out its just me and my pour self-control... 

September something 2018? I began working at a school. Man I love working at a school. Its been the best job I have ever had! I love working with kids . They say the funniest and more honest things a tiny human being could ever think of. I will never forget when a 5 year came to give me a hug and said "ooo, Mrs. Abby!!! You're so squishy!" Sigh. I couldn't help but laugh and say "AW honey... That is the NICEST way of calling someone fat". 

Sometime in 2019- I kept gaining weight. 

Sometime in 2020- Lost a few pounds during this one crazy world wide event. What's it called again? OH YEA A PENDEMIC! Lost weight during quarantine just to gain it all back the first week of school. (In person learning that is) 

Fast-forward to today. November 18, 2020. Thanksgiving break is coming up and I am so ready for a week off. No screens for that week and I NEED it. I am also getting ready to make a huge step in adulthood. Maybe I'll write about it in 5 years. 

Anyway, it was nice catching up with you. 

Ps: During these 5 years my husband and I have traveled and we were planning on going to Europe this past summer.. Thanks COVID. Thanks a lot. 

Oh and I am turning 30. I will be thirty, flirty but need to work on the thriving part.

See ya later! -Abby Love 

Her favorite color is Pink

Shes the kind of girl you don't remember meeting. She's that girl that somehow appears in your life and you just can't get rid of. 

I can't remember the day I met her, but I know I will never forget her. 

She's complicated in a beautiful way. Intellectual, dorky and wonderful. Always knows what to say but never knows when to shut up. I like it though. That's what makes her unforgettable and irreplaceable. 

Her story is some what of a secret though. It's strange to say that I knew a lot about her and yet knew so little. Could a girl really have so much in her life? Possibly. Perhaps that's why her hair is so voluminous. It's filled with secrets like Gretchen Weiners. Secrets of her friends and secrets of her own. But mostly secrets of her own. 

When we were younger, I remember her being involved in my love life. (It wasn't so much a love life as it was an infatuation but that's beside the point. Point is, she was there for me) I thought I was in love, and I thought I was being loved back. Boy number one had been in my life for 10 years, and you just can get over a 10 year friendship overnight. Boy number two (yes.. there was a second. Don't reprove me about it) anyway, boy number two wanted to marry me within two months of talking to me. Don't worry, he was later talking to another girl before dumping me who is now his wife. (True love right?) 

Well she was there for me, through all the tears and depressing moments. She was there. She saw me cry my ugly cry. Uglier than Kim Kardashian's ugly cry, and we all know how ugly that is. 

She was there for me even when her heart was breaking into a million pieces. Teeny tiny pieces you could only see through a stethoscope. There she was, picking up my teeny tiny pieces. I must say, I love her for that. 

It's been 8 years since she's been in my life, and not once have we ever argued. Not once have we ever made each other compete for anything or anyone. Not once have we ever drifted apart, even with our busy lives. I guess we just knew that no matter what, we would always be there for each other. She's never made me feel unworthy of anything. She's never made me feel fat. She's never been a bad friend. EVER. 

I really don't care about the fact of not remembering how we met. What I do care about is how she is in my life and how she is not going anywhere. 

Shes the kind of girl you don't remember meeting. She's that girl that somehow appears in your life and you just don't want to get rid of. 

Reunited and it feels so good

Hello there dear reader!

It's been a couple of years since I have been on this site. And to be honest, I completely forgot I had it. In fact, I came across my blog when I was on my pink lady friends Instagram. She has her blogger link listed under her bio, so I got curious and decided to snoop around. It's nice to see how shes kept up with her writing. Me on the other hand, well.. Let's just say I have been busy figuring out my life.  

In the last couple of years I have traveled somewhat, re-met a friend, started liking this friend, and I said I do to this friend. He's quite wonderful actually. He helps me be a better person, and he is very patient with my nonsense. And trust me, I have a lot of nonsense. 

Another new subject about myself is how I am incapable of finding a job. 

Let me correct myself... I can find MANY jobs, just none that will hire me. I am reaching my breaking point. I do not want to feel unable to accomplish the most common factor of America.. Landing a job. 

All I need is a part time job. Why is it so hard? I fixed my resume, Put myself out there on most, if not all job recruiting websites. What do I not have? If only those people knew the kind of person I am... I guarantee the job would have been mine months ago.. 

On the side note, I am thinking of taking fashion classes at Hobby Lobby. While I wait for the right job to come along. I mean, why not pursue the work I really want? The time is going to pass on by anyway am i right?  ... YEA! I AM right.... Of course I am right... I am ALWAYS right. 

I have nothing else to say. Other than, "it feels nice to write again" 


Yours truly...

Abby Love 

Dear Reader

What does it mean when you haven't written in over a year? Apparently my last blog was written on December 3rd of 2013. The most strange part of it all is how my mind is entirely packed with things to say... Things to talk about, and yet... I cannot come out with it. I cannot write down what I feel, what I think, or what I wonder.

I wonder a lot.

So I will write a letter to my reader that does not exist.

Dear Reader,

      I hate to say how I wish you where real. I wish you read these words and knew exactly what I mean. Exactly what is inside of my heart. My heart is telling me many things at once which makes it hard for my brain to process. At the same time I'm here listening to so many words from so many people and no matter how hard I try to concentrate, I can't seem to focus on just one topic or concern.

     I just wish you could make my life easier. And sometimes, I feel like many strangers ask too much of me. I can't say no. And it's starting to take a toll on me.

Mind, body and soul.

      Reader... if you are reading this..Which i know you are not..  Please take my worries away. And just leave what makes me most happy.



                                                                               Sincerely: Abby

My sixth sense

OH MY GOD so what if I have a sixth sense? Because it seems like when something is not right, my ovaries hurt! Unless there is a great risk in why I'm in pain then perhaps I should go to the doctor! But I don't know. Something seems to be out of place! And I really want to know what it is. This has happened before though and when I fought my way  through to the truth, I was crushed. That happened when I was 19. All though the circumstances are not the same, I have the same feeling. Something is out of place. Something is not right.  Perhaps I am looking for the answer or answerS in the wrong place... PLACE PLACE PLACE PLACE. Why am I repeating myself? 

(speaking to myself) "Because place has a lot to do with it that's why Abigail!" 

But you see person who is reading this nonsense.. Even though I got hurt the last time I found out, I insist on finding out every time something seems to be wrong, and usually every time I do, I get hurt, but if I think about it, I am glad I found out because if I didn't, then... well I would be hurting non stop! Oh dear reader you don't understand my jibber jabber! My point is. . . I know that once I find out what is not in place, I will be crushed and hurt like all the other times, but you see reader. I am not 19 anymore. And 21 year old me is happy not to be 19 anymore. In fact, I'm happy I am not 8, I am happy I am not 12, I am happy I am not 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and I am extremely happy to not be 20. But 21, oh how I liked being 21. 21 was when I was finally able to be myself! Finally able to experience things as Abigail. I flew to NY on my own. I will miss being 21. 21 was the year I was on my own! Now I will be 22, and I can't wait for what's in store for me, but right now. . . Something is out of place. I do not want that something ruining my beautiful year! One more month, that is all I am asking! ONE FREAK'N MONTH! 

So whatever is going to hurt me, whatever is going to finally be in place but will more likely kill my soul, whatever is going to make me feel like an inexperienced new-bee adult, you better BACK OFF! Stop trying to make me look for you! My ovaries can only take so much pain! 

Seriously! 21. That really is the prime time! Sure I can drink who cares!  Sure I can walk into clubs! I don't need that! Sure I can do a lot of stuff that go against my moral standards.. But 21 for me means finally... being able to be myself! So this is me being me! I am going to please MY SELF! My pink princess is right! My heart cannot take anymore pain! I have had enough! 

21. I will miss being 21. I don't like when things are out of place. It drives me crazy! My mind does not stop! Scenes keep replying in my head. I heard things that I did not want to hear (yet i needed to) and that keeps being scribbled in the notebooks of my mind. Notebooks that never erase the words said to me. One more month. One more month. Then you can ruin another part of my life. Just one more month! Please and Thank You. 

What's the meaning of this?

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." -Coco Chanel 





Biologically speaking, no two human beings can be the same. Not even twins. If I stamp my thumb print and you stamp yours, they will appear to be the same, but the closer you study them, you will conclude that they are not. Now I know Coco Chanel was not talking about DNA codes... all though I do wonder if she knew about it. That's not my point... my point is, how different do you have to be in order to become "irreplaceable" and why would you want to be "irreplaceable"?
In what way... would you want to be "irreplaceable"?
Who would want to replace me? Who was Coco Chanel feeling this "replacement" from?
Because the more I think about it the more I say, "well... if I have a job that pays well, gives me great hours and amazing benefits then I will work as "DIFFERENTLY" as possible for me NOT to be replaced. But if I have a friendship in which there is no joy then by all means replace me!! Or even so... that means I can replace anyone as well.

Coco Chanel's  quote leads me to mine,  "In order for me not to replace you... you must always be "irreplaceable" - Abby Love

 So like I said... Two people can't be the same. But psychologically speaking, two people can be compatible. True friends can be difficult to find. But when you have them, they are naturally "irreplaceable" So I start to think and meditate, which of my friends have tried to stay by my side? It takes 50/50 for a relationship to work smoothly, but after a while of doing 75/25, people become tired. The friendship becomes hard work rather than cultivate love; key word "willingly". So who are my true friends?

1. People who share my beliefs and moral standards but that also prove their faith
2. People who tell me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear
3. People who accept me for the way I am and are not bothered my my laughter, my smiles or moodiness
4. People who don't want to be replaced

Those are true friends, and I'm happy to know that I have a couple who fit all 4. <3

Ps: its 2:34 in the morning.
Pss: oh oh oh and I love it when I don't see a friend for years and when we do, its as if we never said goodbye! <3 <3

Her name? Dawlat

     Here is a story no one knows...

     January 2002, my family and I made a trip down to California for a wedding that was long anticipated. During that trip I made new friends. Yovani, Jacob, Some chick, and Dawlat. Yovani was an awkwardly tall, thin and cute boy that had a massive crush on Some chick. But Some chick was massively in love with Jacob. Some chick was skinny, pretty, and her hair was a perfect color of honey, mixed with the sun rays of California. I didn't like her because she was perfect and because Jacob was madly in love with her, while chubby ol' me was in love with him. (In my defense, he was REALLY REALLY REALLY cute) 

     As we kept getting to know each other, they would complain about a girl who was weird. She wore overalls (which in my time were super lame) old fashion clothing, her hair was nappy and her glasses did not work in her favor. Apparently she did not have friends, because she was not good enough to have any. At least not good enough for them. After hearing so many negative things about this "creep" I wanted to witness what this horrendous thing was all made of. 

     The day finally came for me to meet this so called "Dawlat". Truthfully, all I saw was a girl, with curly hair wearing glasses and overalls, and she was smiling. So I began talking to her and to my surprise, she was AWESOME!! Nothing like the things Ive heard. She was so funny, sweet, and cheerful. She would admit her awkwardness. It's because of her, that I know how to embrace your flaws and flaunt them. They were a part of her and that was who she was. Her name? Dawlet. My new best friend from far away. I was so excited to have made her my friend, of course the rest of the kids didn't like me after that. I couldn't understand why she was picked on by them so much. Dawlat was just like me, all that was different was the outside. She was tall and skinny while I was short and stubby. Leaving California was really hard for us. We grew to love each other in such a short amount of time. We even wished we lived close to each other so we could be friends forever! But that couldn't happen, so we stuck to the next best thing which was. ADDRESSES. 

     That's right, not phone numbers, not emails, there was no texting.. All we had where... HANDWRITTEN LETTERS! I was extremely excited to finally have a friend live far away. My sister had friends from all over the world so, me having a friend a couple of states away made me feel close enough  to be like my sister. As we began writing to each other we would mention how much we would miss one another and how the next time we see each other we will do so many fun things! I would write about school and how hard it was getting and she would reply "don't worry, you will be fine, you are smart!" She would explain how she would be bullied by her friends or classmates. That would make her so sad, and me being far away made me feel unhelpful, but I would do my best to console her through my writing. 

     One day, she wrote me a letter, and I couldn't believe what I read. This time the bullying had gone too far. I wanted to hurt all the people making her feel bad, because she was my friend and I knew that if they gave her a chance, they would grow to love her as much as I did. It was  now my turn to write, but as time went on, I would leave my letter to the side, promising myself that I would get to it. When my letter was finally written, I would take forever to send it. After 2 or 3 weeks I finally sent that stupid letter. 

     I wouldn't hear from her. 

     One day, I got home from school, and I went to my sister's room asking "Has anything come in the mail for me?" She replied "Abby... Please sit down" So I did. She then said "Your friend is dead.." To me that was the worst joke anyone could have ever said to me. Of course she is lying! Of course I didn't believe her!!! Next I ran to my mom's room and told her the cruel joke I just heard. My mom's words were "Mija, your sister is not lying to you" 

     She was on a road trip with her uncle, aunt and baby cousin. It was a severe accident, and only the uncle survived. 

     Dawlet's mom received my letter, and for the privacy of her daughter did not want to read it. But in the end she did. Her mom felt glad to know that, despite the distance, Dawlet had a friend who she could count on. My letter was to apologize on how long it had taken me to write to her. I consoled her for all the bullying she went through, and told her how much I cared and loved her. Her mom was very thankful to know that a friend so far away cared so much for her daughter. 

     Her name? Her name was Dawlat. She was 12 
     She never read my stupid letter. 
     I was 11, I am now 21, and I could never have the courage to respond to the mothers thank you. 


     For some reason. When I think of Dawlat, I picture her in the back seat. Looking out her window towards the sun. Very peaceful. The rich sun rays beaming on her skin. More beautiful than any perfect color of honey mixed with the sun rays of California hair. 

     Her name was Dawlat, and I lost my first far away best friend. We were suppose to be best friends forever. But now, she is stuck being 12, and I am jealous of her because of that. 

I'm sorry.